


No longer seeing the beauty

by 0Hedvig0



Series: Childhood friends [1]
Category: Assassin's Creed - All Media Types
Genre: After Valhalla, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Darkness, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Pre ending, Pre-Relationship, Scars, Spoilers, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-08
Updated: 2021-01-08
Packaged: 2021-03-12 02:47:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,275
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28628274
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/0Hedvig0/pseuds/0Hedvig0
Summary: His mind was poisoned with a darkness.In the rush of the wind, Eivor closed his eyes and let a breath of air slip through his lips- the sound of nature slowly turning into nothingness.***Warning, suicide thoughts***
Relationships: Eivor/Tarben (Assassin's Creed), Eivor/Vili Hemmingson, Male Eivor/Vili, pre - Relationship
Series: Childhood friends [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2042719
Kudos: 21





	No longer seeing the beauty

**Author's Note:**

> This maybe seems like too OC, but there's a reasonable cause to these thoughts Eivor's having, but you have to follow this series to know why ;D.
> 
> I don't know how these Hits or Kudos truly works, but I appreciate that you show me that you like the stories :)  
> ___________________________________
> 
> If anyone want to listen to the song which inspired me to write this part(and the only song listening to while writing this): Nathan Wagner - Would Anyone Care  
> ___________________________________
> 
> Just written down, makes sense in my head and now published so please have that in mind ^^',
> 
> But other than that, please enjoy :)
> 
> This is hastily written (I have art and writers block)  
> English not my first language  
> Not beta read, I'm just writing for fun.

Sun melting the last snow on its way to end another day and once again making way for the Moon. Warm colors blending together along the sky, clouds moving together with the wind in a slow dance. Taste of flowers lingering on the tongue while the ears picked up the sound of waterfall breaking through ice which had been too stubborn to melt. Everything of it surrounded Eivor - standing on the ledge of a cliff.

The loose tunic created waves behind him, leaving the impression the wind was trying to make him one with the ravens flying high in the sky- where a red color had begun devouring the other colors. 

The world’s beauty was displaying itself in front of him, which otherwise soothed Eivor.

But, his mind was poisoned with some kind of darkness.

In the rush of the wind, Eivor closed his eyes and let a breath of air slip through his lips- the sound of nature slowly turning into nothingness. The throbbing pain in his abdomen from Basin’s dagger made itself known once again- it already healed and scarred over- a daily suffering that almost always left him a shivering wreck with a sheen of sweat on his skin. But this time, Eivor stood tall and ignored the pain.

The knowledge Sigurd brought him with the journey to Norway- how the afterlife was like- Eivor’s end goals seemed to be changing. Valhall had seemed perfect, until it wasn’t. Blood spraying and covering every part of him, screams of fight, had been what everyone called glorious and something every vikingr sought when wanting an honorable death. Sigurd’s happiness had been enough for Eivor to enjoy Valhall, but waking up to the same glorious fight, Eivor soon felt more and more empty and saw no purpose with it.

Icy blue eyes -the low sun still reflecting its colors in them- lowered to the hands shaking of pain. The look of them made Eivor feel the weakness that he was. Clenching them together, his mind was going back to the new way he was seeing the world. Eivor has seen Valhall, or what they all believe Valhall to be, but what he’d seen isn’t what he wants in his afterlife. Something tasting like falseness itself. 

With this darkness clouding his mind, Eivor now believed himself to prefer the afterlife of Helheim. With this darkness clouding his mind, new thoughts had eaten his old ones and these new ones dug a hole in his chest. 

Raising his glazed eyes- looking at the darkening sky- this darkness put questions in his head he’d never asked himself before. The settlement of the Raven Clan was having a feast he’d rung for, but he’d soon disappeared- leaving their songs and smiles- into the shadows, without no one noticing. Now he could hear them still singing from the high ground- the cliff giving him a good view over the settlement.

Would they all be okay if he stepped out from this ledge?

They would, Eivor’s mind spoke of its own and himself agreed. They would, because they had others leading them to glory and Eivor raised his arms again as he closed his eyes. If he wanted an afterlife in Helheim, he couldn’t have an honorable death and why drag out the ending.

***

Sigurd grabbed one of the boar’s legs, nodding to Vili to take the other “Come now, can not let me take all the glory” and Vili snorted as he shouldered the bow and grabbed the other back leg.

“Why me” Vili grumbled, groaning at the heavyweight and his swimming head caused by too much mead.

“Could not find Eivor” Sigurd shrugged like it was nothing, but Vili’s eyes sought his.

“Oh? Where could he have gone?” and Vili tried to sound like he really didn't care, but the knowing smile of Sigurd told him everything.

“Should it not be Tarben showing a worry like yours?” 

Vili grunted and ignored the remark, hoisting the boar’s leg higher onto his back- Sigurd making a strained groan by the sudden weight shift. He would never know what made him do it, but Vili turned to go a different path than they used to take.

Still ignoring Sigurd, Vili dragged the boar along the path- tall slim trees whose branches hung low, just above their heads and barely any sunlight for them to see where they were going. But even though he ignored the other man, Vili had a hard time ignoring the words told. They irked like glowing iron pushed into his chest and that name kept repeating in his mind. Tarben, what Eivor saw in that man was a mystery to Vili. Sure, the calm impact the man had to his surroundings was something Vili appreciated, because that's something Eivor truly needed. But other than that, to Vili, Tarben didn't value Eivor as much as the blonde vikingr deserved and a grunt of disgust left Vili when the memory of Eivor's lips touching Tarben's invaded his sight.

The sound from Vili- still deep in thoughts- brought a smile on Sigurd's lips, the red haired man knew how the name affected him. 

Vili startled to a stop when in the distance he saw the well known contours standing on a thin ledge, high above the ground- arms raised and looking like the wings of a raven.

“Wha- wha” Vili’s voice choked and forced him to swallow- eyes widening by a heart gripping dread. “What is he doing?” came as a whisper and he felt Sigurd close by his shoulder.

Sigurd squinted when he noticed what held Vili’s focus, then relaxed his face with a snort “Oh, that” and continued walking -pulling Vili with him. “Just something Hytham taught him,” Sigurd waved his hand with a shrug “I think he called it ‘Falling Belief’ or something like that”.

Still with his gaze locked onto Eivor, Vili mumbled “Is it safe?” and he felt Sigurd’s eyes on him.

“He is standing on a cliff, ready to jump down. What do you think?” and at the sudden emotion in Vili’s eyes, Sigurd hurried “I am joking, I am joking” and shook his head at the relieved breath leaving Vili, murmuring to himself “like a married couple”. Then he explained “You see, there is always a pile of leaves when they do that kind of jump. Eivor told me about it, but it seems like I can not remember why they do that”.

A second later “There is not one” came as a breath when Vili checked Sigurd’s words. When the silhouette began leaning towards the maw of trees, Vili hurried “Sigurd, there is no leaves”, panic setting its place in his chest. Eivor would never survive that fall. 

***

Songs sung in his ears -echoing like the cries of the lingering souls who desperately clung to their stiff bodies- while slowly letting his body fall. The thoughts occupying his mind every second, sometimes keeping him from sleeping, suddenly fell silent and Eivor was flooded by relief, to get away from them. 

“Eivor!” Eivor’s eyes sprung open and the voice got his instincts to kick in. He slung his arms and grabbed one of the branches- sharp edges cutting the skin- and hoisted his body up onto it.

Harsh breaths forced Eivor’s chest up and down while the sound of running feet came closer. Two sets of blue eyes - clouded with fear- met his own, but in the end he focused on Vili’s. The sound of his voice seemed like healing to Eivor’s poisoned mind, made him realize he wanted more time with those close to him, even though they would be fine without him.


End file.
